Wish~

“We do grow into those roles our parents assign us”~Carrie Fisher

As another year hits, I see many places I would love to take my mom for her birthday. I miss my mom and my dad every day, always reminisce about funny stories of them, and say a prayer in a moment of silence. Although none of those things will ever change the fact I lost my best friend, my idol, my therapist, my mother. She will forever live in me.That goes for dad as well. I know she said ‘this is how it goes, I lose her Drew loses you’ but I wish I had a choice in the matter.

Listening to Willie Nelson I think of how much mom admired him. The only country artist she enjoyed country music from. Others are consistenly surprised wtih that bit since she was friends with Dolly and even babysat Crystal Gayle (Loretta Lynn’s sister). I can relate, everyone affiates Elvis with me to a supersonic level and I’m proud of it, but Bobby Sherman, Mark Sanchez, Blake Shelton or Sam Eliott-(when 42) could knock on my door.

What woman wouldn’t like him? 😉

The inevitable loss of my mom was a dreaded lingering spirit hanging over my shoulder my entire life, and now I am living it. Any and all who know and love me always knew it was my greatest fear. I am here with many years have passed with my finding a protective peace regarding their absence.

In my opinion time will help a person get used to it but I feel no difference from my 30’s as in missing her or my dad. It’s the same gaping hole, it makes no difference when people were that important.

I know her well enough that she would tell me I’m doing a good job. I am a good mother, and not a ball of depression for others. I relive the happy times, and when I need to cry or mourn I keep it to myself. Just the way she taught me how she did it.

Her birthday is so special not only from a positive happy relationship I will never forget but it’s special to me and my vivid visual thinking because I have the hilarious memories of my parents.

My dad walking in while just sharing space with them together was an experience. Their quick wit and chemistry stood out the strongest. They both laughed together more than anything while it was healthy for me for example. My dad never forgot to walk in with song lyrics, jewelry, flowers and 2 cakes for my grateful mom, and she spoiled him right back. The cakes were the star of the show the annual one for her birthday, and one for their anniversary that was on the same day. With her long frosted locks brushed perfectly, with a fresh self done manicure, luminous eyes lipsticked lips in the highest form of femininity you’ve ever seen as she begged for her “big fat white ass” to be spared.

I wish they were here so I could do what I always done with my parents. Laugh, hang out having a good time with a cool couple from the 50s, learn, hug them, kiss them, see them cringe while I listened to the GoGo’s, complain how something isn’t fair such as zero concerts this summer so I can hear what my mom usually, nine times out of ten were to reply, “LIFE ISN’T FAIR” or an oldie but a goody “PEOPLE IN HELL WANT ICE WATER”.

Gulp.

About Donda Danforth

I am the product of lifelong assorted novels in the works. Amateur music producer with official background. Long time freelance writer and ghost writer. Working to tell the truths and tales to the abuse and survival of cancer, Lyme disease, misdiagnoses, adolescent marriage, narcissistic abuse, and the humor that accompanies such a diverse list.
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