All of us have a story where we planned to go when we were children. What we wanted to be, where we wanted to live. Then as we grew up we may have woke up elsewhere. I remember every time I impressed my mom, she meant so much to me and was always my idol so to enlighten someone of her caliber at any time, was a reward in itself. During one of our many long talks on life, I recall making her feel deeply moved, and impressed with my comment, “I believe we can also miss our destiny with choices”.
My husband has worried about my choices through our entire 32 year old marriage. Yes, even up until this day.
The fact is from the time I could walk I swore I would become a musical artist. Then realizing not soon after, my ultimate goal as a music producer, the ideal part of the music spectrum to me. I worked at it from a very young age. I did many talent shows, leads in chorus concerts every school year, I sang in my dads popular band, wrote songs along with my harmonica, was chosen most talented in jr. high, and was even listed in Tiger Beat Magazine.
Anyone who knew me, knew of my pursuit, and where I planned to live since my dad had names / connections in Nashville. All the while and still do, creating my own compilation of music on cassette tapes/cd’s with hours of original research preceding the development. Music was all I thought about from the time I could walk. Literally.
My mom thought I was musically talented but also thought it was a sad, lonely life to become a musician, so she consistently thought of other things to deter me from the music world. Many times mentioning I was comical enough and such a good impersonator, she encouraged me to audition for SNL, while getting serious a couple times to suggest I join her beloved NAVY, since she always said I was, “tough and strong”. To me, nothing felt right except for music.
All the while I was taking my latest song I wrote to my talented dad who could play any instrument in which he was self taught, and had a long resume of performing with well known big names, to help me put layouts to my words and my music ideas. This went on until I met my future husband just by following a request by a friend to help her on a blind double date. I’ve never regretted going to that blind date meeting but I’ll never forget my dad saying, “I thought you were going to Nashville, kid?”, when he was told of my desire to marry Bobby. It was one of those times where the words left me as disappointed as he was, all the while I was feeling madly in love.
As my dad believed in my plan, it was a thought that was on my mind consistently, until I held my baby for the first time. As I asked to hold her on the night on the Thanksgiving I gave birth, her eyes and innocent fragility was the first time I didn’t see myself as a music producer anymore.
As much as Bobby and I have enjoyed living in the north and the south both, it never once entered our thoughts to end up where I always swore I would from the beginning stages of my life. I affiliated it with a different world of work. From the beginning, for rich or in poor, we stuck together.
Living as a cancer and Lyme survivor, while others may joke I am a gypsy (and I laugh along), what really matters is what I know. Which is; I have made the right choices by living near my mom until the end, raising our daughter in one beautiful area for 16 years of her life for her to have her own roots, and now at this stage of my journey this survivor may not chase the music scene but bestowed upon the rest of my days at my original destination, with the love of my life beside me.